Cruel Wanting
by TalysAlankil
Summary: Riku will never be with Sora; so, he turns to unconventional—and risky—methods to get what he wants.


It was one thing to suffer through years of pining; it was another to be hit with the realization that nothing would ever come of it.

Riku had found refuge in Radiant Garden—though "fled to" was perhaps a better way to phrase it. The knowledge that he would never get to be with Sora had made it impossible for him to stay home on the islands, even with—or maybe because of—Kairi's mindful support.

His steps led him through pathways he'd never taken before, though he faintly remembered Lea mentioning his trips through these back alleys back when he and Isa used to sneak into the castle. Riku only realized why his heart had led him here, however, when he ended up at the foot of the castle, with the rising waterfalls laid out in front of him.

So. These were still here. Maybe the city's restoration effort hadn't yet reached this area, or maybe the gravity-defying waterfalls had always been here. In the city's radiant glow, they didn't look as ominous as they once had, back when Riku had woken up here after the islands had been swallowed up by the darkness.

On a whim, Riku dove into the water down below, and swam against the current to the closest island. It felt too easy, with all the power of a Keyblade Master at his disposal; he still remembered having to jump and climb everywhere then. When he'd been alone, thinking his friends had vanished or given up on him, with no company but Maleficent.

He laid down on the hard ground, letting his current misery echo the one he'd felt then. Trying, if he could, to retrace the path he'd taken to get out of it then. Of course, back then, Sora had fought for him. But he wasn't so far down as to ignore his own role.

Following the path of his memories got him to their time in Neverland. How antagonistic he'd acted to Sora then—how heartbroken he'd been to see that in spite of that, Sora's focus had only been on his joy at seeing Kairi again. He wondered if it would have made a difference to tell Sora how he felt then; but then again, if he'd been the kind of person who could be that brave, Maleficent would never have held any sway over him. He would never have shaped shadows into Sora's form and made his best friend fight them, because that was easier to bear than his jealousy.

At that thought, he felt a stirring deep in his heart—an urge, tinged with curiosity and darkness. He was walking the road to dawn; he'd never completely forsaken the power of darkness the way most of his friends had. He didn't fear it any longer. But still…_this_?

It was _wrong_.

It was _enticing_.

It was never going to be the same as the real deal.

It wasn't like he'd ever get the real deal, anyway.

Riku sat up and held out his hand, closed his eyes lest he changed his mind, and held out his hand. He shuddered at the slick, oily feeling of darkness seeping from his heart, but it faded as soon as it had come. Riku remained still, eyes closed, wondering if something had gone wrong. Maybe he'd completely lost touch with the power of darkness after all?

Finally, he cracked an eyelid open, and his eyes flew open in surprise at the shape in front of him. A shadow in the exact shape of Sora, standing straight and staring down at him with bright yellow eyes. Now that Riku was aware of its presence, he could feel the familiar pull between them, giving Riku command over it.

As he slowly stood up, transfixed, Riku stared at the creature. He hadn't just summoned one of the shadows from his past: he'd shaped this one to look just as Sora looked now. Older, stronger, _desperately_ more attractive. Part of him freaked out at the thoughts that crossed his mind—even though those very thoughts had been the very reason he'd summoned the shadow. This was still, technically, a Heartless, and Riku knew first-hand what one stood to lose when those creatures were involved. It was _dangerous_.

But that was only what part of Riku thought. To the rest of him, the danger only enhanced the thrill. And he desperately needed some kind of high right now.

He still gasped when Anti-Sora stepped towards him and grasped him firmly by the back of his neck; he had forgotten how much this creature responded to his subconscious as much as his thoughts. When the creature ran its other hand roughly across Riku's chest, tearing his jacket in places, Riku couldn't help but think it was probably for the best. He didn't think he had it in himself to consciously think of what he wanted.

When Anti-Sora pulled at his neck, Riku was happy to comply and press his lips against the shadow's. They were soft, and warmer than Riku had anticipated; it wasn't quite skin, but something slicker, and the Heartless had none of Sora's all-too-familiar scent, but the kiss wasn't unpleasant, either. He reached up to Anti-Sora's face, and it was all too easy to map Sora's traits on its face.

Anti-Sora's hands were rough on him as it undressed him relentlessly, not breaking the kiss at any point. It was needy, heated, as desperate as Riku felt. Which made sense, as it could only feel what Riku felt, but it was all too easy for Riku to forget that part, to pretend that he really _was_ wanted this badly. He moaned into Anti-Sora's mouth when he felt its nails dig into his lower back, shuddered when it slid its hands past his waistband. He felt himself go pliant under the shadow's rough treatment, and that realization sent a heady rush through his body.

One of Anti-Sora's hand tugged at his pants, hard enough to cause audible tears in the fabric, but Riku didn't care, because his other hand gripped at his ass, one finger slipping between his cheeks and pressing against his hole. Riku didn't know if the shadow's finger was as pointy as it felt, or if that was just the way a finger normally felt, but it made him wince as Anti-Sora pushed it inside of him. The jolt of pain caused Riku to bite hard on Anti-Sora's lip, but he doubted the shadow could feel any pain from it. As for Riku's own pain, it didn't last for very long—not when the shadow's skin felt so slick, when its finger toyed with him so expertly.

Riku couldn't help but picture himself, naked safe for his boots and at the complete mercy of this creature. This creature who looked almost exactly like Sora. The mental image was shameful—it was _exciting_. Mostly the latter, if the hardness of his cock was any indication. Giving in at last was a relief, a deliverance, a comfort.

When Riku pulled back for air, Anti-Sora's hand flew back up, making Riku wince as its finger left his ass. It tugged hard at the back of Riku's neck again, but while Riku thought it was bringing him back in for a kiss, the shadow pulled harder, forcing Riku to his knees.

And—well. He hadn't noticed Anti-Sora's form changing, even though he'd been pressed against it for a few minutes now, but here it was. Jutting out from between its legs, shadows had taken the shape of a cock. Riku couldn't help but stare, transfixed. It looked like his own, he realized—which he guessed made sense, since he didn't have a lot of other references to draw from. But seeing it attached to the shape of Sora was enough to shake off the weirdness, and when Anti-Sora pressed the tip of it against his lips, Riku let it slide in with no resistance.

The combination of sensation was an odd mess in Riku's brain: Anti-Sora's skin still didn't feel like skin, and that was even stranger on Riku's tongue, and its taste and scent was more like oil and plastic together than anything human. Yet the position, the insistent pressure of Anti-Sora's hands in his hair as it guided him, the push and pull of its cock in his mouth, all of it felt thrilling. Part of Riku thought, _well, maybe it's just like if he was wearing a condom_, and that was all he needed to make it past the weirdness and sink into the pleasant, overwhelming arousal he was feeling.

Anti-Sora fucked his face roughly enough to make Riku's entire body move in rhythm with its thrusts, and Riku could feel his cock bouncing against his thighs, leaving precome behind when it did. The thought of touching himself hadn't even crossed his mind, yet he felt on the edge already, just from this.

Maybe Anti-Sora sensed that too, because it drew back, out of reach from Riku's lips. Riku looked up at it, briefly confused when the eyes he met were yellow and not blue, as if he'd forgotten who he was with exactly. The shadow didn't—couldn't—speak to explain its actions: instead, it merely knelt before Riku, seized him by the shoulder, and flipped him around.

Riku gasped in surprise as he fell face first on the ground, reflexively tried to push himself back up, but before he could, Anti-Sora straddled his thighs, pressed its hands on Riku's back, and laid down on top of him, pinning him down. Its lips found a sensitive spot on Riku's neck and kissed at it, nipped at it, until Riku was back to a pliant mess under it. One of Anti-Sora's hands stroked his side, while the other pushed two fingers into his ass without a warning. Riku tensed briefly at the feeling, then relaxed against it.

He knew what was coming next, and all he could feel was excited anticipation. Anti-Sora pulled its fingers out of Riku's ass and replaced them with its cock in one smooth motion, so slick that Riku's brain didn't register until Anti-Sora was completely buried inside of him.

Then Anti-Sora moved, and _oh_, if everything else had felt good before, this was better. Pressed against the ground by Sora—or something close enough to it, anyway—with Sora moving inside of him with a deliberate slowness that belied its earlier roughness. Or it would have, if that very slowness didn't feel tortuous with Riku so close to orgasm. Anti-Sora was careful, not for fear of hurting him, but so it could tease him just enough. Brushing against his prostate with one trust, avoiding it the next, never quite sending Riku past what it wanted.

Riku couldn't help but whine at being treated this way, but his cock, squeezed as it was between his belly and the ground, felt even harder than before. He tried moving, desperate for friction, but the coarse rock below immediately forced him to stop. That didn't feel good—which meant the only thing that could _make_ him feel good was the shadow holding Riku at its mercy.

Frustration made tears well up in Riku's eyes, but it was a pleasant kind, one that was part of the appeal. Everything still felt amazing—and the denial was only heightening the experience. Riku closed his eyes, allowing himself to get lost in the feelings, the heat, the pleasure, the shame, all mixing together into an exquisite cocktail.

Get lost in it…it felt dangerous. A kind of danger that should not, by any means, feel so tantalizing. He'd been lost in the darkness before. He was stronger now, or so he thought. But in this moment, he was teetering on the edge, in more ways than one, and Riku wondered if it wouldn't be okay to just take the dive.

As if on cue, Anti-Sora thrusted in at a different angle, making Riku scream in ecstasy. Scream Sora's name. Before he could process that, his thoughts were washed away by his orgasm.

And then, darkness closed in on him.


End file.
